I would tend to side with your definition for the most part: that "I (and everyone else) have a right to give of refuse consent to anything that has a demonstrable direct physical effect on my person".
In terms of the fetish club: there are rules as to what kinds of scenes are allowed at fetish clubs. If the scene is within those rules, then no one should be complaining. Where it gets tricky is this: BDSMers have long argued that the community is very effective at self policing. This argument has often been used to counter the argument that not being allowed to give consent to assault protects those who are emotionally vulnerable from giving consent without wishing to do so. So, one could say that those who questioned whether the scene was consensual were merely performing that same act of self policing that has been held in such high regard. However, it is important to note that once it was established that the scene WAS consensual (from the point of view of those directly involved) anyone else should quite frankly shut up, as they have come to a fetish club and therefore should be prepared to view anything within the rules of the club, or piss off.
As for online activity: If someone wishes to talk about their relationship online, they are (through the justification of freedom of speech) instantly opening that topic up to discussion. If they are called on to justify their relationship or their views by the request for their partner to contribute, it is their choice to do so or not. Equally, I do not believe that it is unreasonable for someone to question a statement that has been made online. Clearly if one makes a statement, one leaves it open to challenge and discussion. One can only hope that such challenge and discussion is executed in a polite manner, rather than rotting away to people calling each other Nazis. All of which is to say: if you say something online, you should expect that someone, somewhere (who may very possibly have either the IQ of an ant or Einstein) will challenge it. When they do so, it is entirely up to you whethr you respond to that challenge - it is for you to consent or not to that challenge. Of course, keeping silent after being challenged also has it's drawbacks, and I'm not forgetting that. Which is why I tend nowadays to say extremely little of any import online, because in most cases I do not really wish for a public discussion of my life.
As to whether a pronoun is a matter of politeness or consent, that is quite tricky in the fetish (and many other) communities. Calling someone a slave without their consent seems rather presumtuous and offensive. In many ways, I can imagine that the person might feel their consent (or lack of) had been ignored. However, if someone calls me a big fat tosshead, I am more likely to be offended, and less likely to feel my consent has been ignored. Of course, the fact is that for many people, particularly in gender-interested communities, are a matter of identity and can be incredibly upsetting to people if used incorrectly. If done on purpose, that is appalling. If done by mistake, well, mistakes happen. We try not to make them, but we do.
Part two of this to posted as a second comment, as it won't let me post a comment this long...
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Date: 2010-07-14 10:47 pm (UTC)In terms of the fetish club: there are rules as to what kinds of scenes are allowed at fetish clubs. If the scene is within those rules, then no one should be complaining. Where it gets tricky is this: BDSMers have long argued that the community is very effective at self policing. This argument has often been used to counter the argument that not being allowed to give consent to assault protects those who are emotionally vulnerable from giving consent without wishing to do so. So, one could say that those who questioned whether the scene was consensual were merely performing that same act of self policing that has been held in such high regard. However, it is important to note that once it was established that the scene WAS consensual (from the point of view of those directly involved) anyone else should quite frankly shut up, as they have come to a fetish club and therefore should be prepared to view anything within the rules of the club, or piss off.
As for online activity: If someone wishes to talk about their relationship online, they are (through the justification of freedom of speech) instantly opening that topic up to discussion. If they are called on to justify their relationship or their views by the request for their partner to contribute, it is their choice to do so or not. Equally, I do not believe that it is unreasonable for someone to question a statement that has been made online. Clearly if one makes a statement, one leaves it open to challenge and discussion. One can only hope that such challenge and discussion is executed in a polite manner, rather than rotting away to people calling each other Nazis. All of which is to say: if you say something online, you should expect that someone, somewhere (who may very possibly have either the IQ of an ant or Einstein) will challenge it. When they do so, it is entirely up to you whethr you respond to that challenge - it is for you to consent or not to that challenge. Of course, keeping silent after being challenged also has it's drawbacks, and I'm not forgetting that. Which is why I tend nowadays to say extremely little of any import online, because in most cases I do not really wish for a public discussion of my life.
As to whether a pronoun is a matter of politeness or consent, that is quite tricky in the fetish (and many other) communities. Calling someone a slave without their consent seems rather presumtuous and offensive. In many ways, I can imagine that the person might feel their consent (or lack of) had been ignored. However, if someone calls me a big fat tosshead, I am more likely to be offended, and less likely to feel my consent has been ignored. Of course, the fact is that for many people, particularly in gender-interested communities, are a matter of identity and can be incredibly upsetting to people if used incorrectly. If done on purpose, that is appalling. If done by mistake, well, mistakes happen. We try not to make them, but we do.
Part two of this to posted as a second comment, as it won't let me post a comment this long...