I've been thinking about this off and on throughout the day, trying to gauge where I lie in relation to what you're saying, and my basic conclusion is this:
I'm more of an age player than a kinkster. I know, age play is often lumped in with kink, and in some ways they do go together, but in my head "kink" encompasses some grown up elements of my headspace that age play would never touch on. Part of the need for distinction is due to the fact that in grown up headspace, I do have a mild masochistic tendency paired with some subby tendencies, but in Little headspace things look very different, so part of my difficulty in formulating a response to what you'd written had to do with the extreme dichotomy between those two mental places.
First off, as far as kinky things go, when it comes to subby things I'm not the kind of sub that goes into all of the ritual and stuff like that. I tend toward the practical "I see a need and I can provide for it so I do," type stuff and I feel very little need to broadcast my subbyness and a great deal of need to speak up for my own needs, be responsible for my own needs, and be a person before I'm a sub. I don't put up with that "you're a sub so you are automatically submissive to me, the dom/me" stuff and I feel like that is never okay unless previously negotiated. As a sub, mostly I want recognition that what I'm doing is good and worthwhile and for us to have fun playing together, which includes pain as far as sensation play goes. I don't feel the need to be punished for things, and I don't need a lot of discipline. I'm definitely not a sadist and I don't enjoy doing things that other people won't like, but there are times that I'll enjoy hurting a masochist entirely because that person enjoys it so much, so I don't view it as punishment in the least.
As a Little, I don't like pain. Pain is not a good thing, and I want nothing to do with it. I also do not want to be punished for things, but I do feel the need for someone to enforce some limits and discipline even if I won't necessarily enjoy it. I'm not necessarily talking about spanking or other physical punishments however - I suspect a spanking might do very well for me since I grew up with spanking as a disciplinary tool, but sitting over me and pulling me back to cleaning my room or grounding me until a certain chore is dealt with or stuff like that can be just as useful tools if not more so. Mind you, I prefer positive reinforcement as well, but sometimes a mixture of disciplinary actions in response to undesired behavior and positive reinforcement of desired behavior can be incredibly effective.
As far as bratting goes, when someone first meets me in Little headset I will be a perfect angel because it's not nice to be anything other than a good girl. Over the course of getting to know someone, inevitably I hit a point in the relationship where I will do some bratty stuff. I'm testing limits, but not the kind of testing limits you refer to where I'm seeking reward in the form of punishment; at that point I'm looking for two things: whether you will still care about me if I'm not always practically perfect in every way and whether you care enough to let me know in an age appropriate manner when something isn't okay. If someone does care and does set limits, there may be a period when there's a lot of misbehavior just to see what does and does not merit intervention and to be sure that this person I'm interacting with won't be scared off, but eventually things'll settle down to life with a basically normal kid. I'll behave well most of the time, but I'm far from perfect, and I have a mischievous streak that I like to enjoy in harmless but sometimes obnoxious ways, especially if it garners a reaction.
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Date: 2012-02-04 04:25 am (UTC)I'm more of an age player than a kinkster. I know, age play is often lumped in with kink, and in some ways they do go together, but in my head "kink" encompasses some grown up elements of my headspace that age play would never touch on. Part of the need for distinction is due to the fact that in grown up headspace, I do have a mild masochistic tendency paired with some subby tendencies, but in Little headspace things look very different, so part of my difficulty in formulating a response to what you'd written had to do with the extreme dichotomy between those two mental places.
First off, as far as kinky things go, when it comes to subby things I'm not the kind of sub that goes into all of the ritual and stuff like that. I tend toward the practical "I see a need and I can provide for it so I do," type stuff and I feel very little need to broadcast my subbyness and a great deal of need to speak up for my own needs, be responsible for my own needs, and be a person before I'm a sub. I don't put up with that "you're a sub so you are automatically submissive to me, the dom/me" stuff and I feel like that is never okay unless previously negotiated. As a sub, mostly I want recognition that what I'm doing is good and worthwhile and for us to have fun playing together, which includes pain as far as sensation play goes. I don't feel the need to be punished for things, and I don't need a lot of discipline. I'm definitely not a sadist and I don't enjoy doing things that other people won't like, but there are times that I'll enjoy hurting a masochist entirely because that person enjoys it so much, so I don't view it as punishment in the least.
As a Little, I don't like pain. Pain is not a good thing, and I want nothing to do with it. I also do not want to be punished for things, but I do feel the need for someone to enforce some limits and discipline even if I won't necessarily enjoy it. I'm not necessarily talking about spanking or other physical punishments however - I suspect a spanking might do very well for me since I grew up with spanking as a disciplinary tool, but sitting over me and pulling me back to cleaning my room or grounding me until a certain chore is dealt with or stuff like that can be just as useful tools if not more so. Mind you, I prefer positive reinforcement as well, but sometimes a mixture of disciplinary actions in response to undesired behavior and positive reinforcement of desired behavior can be incredibly effective.
As far as bratting goes, when someone first meets me in Little headset I will be a perfect angel because it's not nice to be anything other than a good girl. Over the course of getting to know someone, inevitably I hit a point in the relationship where I will do some bratty stuff. I'm testing limits, but not the kind of testing limits you refer to where I'm seeking reward in the form of punishment; at that point I'm looking for two things: whether you will still care about me if I'm not always practically perfect in every way and whether you care enough to let me know in an age appropriate manner when something isn't okay. If someone does care and does set limits, there may be a period when there's a lot of misbehavior just to see what does and does not merit intervention and to be sure that this person I'm interacting with won't be scared off, but eventually things'll settle down to life with a basically normal kid. I'll behave well most of the time, but I'm far from perfect, and I have a mischievous streak that I like to enjoy in harmless but sometimes obnoxious ways, especially if it garners a reaction.