What terrible effect did this have on me, a 10 year old boy, and my relationships with women?
Well, in a nutshell, nothing as bad as the porn-shaming of anti-porn feminists did.
I ended up in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful woman early in my university days. We have been married for 16 years.
For the first several years of our relationship, I felt I could not reveal my interest in porn because the rhetoric of the day focused on how awful and degrading porn is. Instead of allowing me to have a healthy relationship with my wife and with this part of my sexuality, I felt trapped in a closet.
Gradually, as sex-positive views of porn became more commonplace, my wife and I worked through a lot of issues. Now we both enjoy various kinds of porn, separately and together.
Kids are curious, and they are not stupid. They need adults to help them understand the difference between fantasy and reality, between healthy relationships and unhealthy ones.
They need help understanding consent.
They do not need people hiding sex from them. Hiding sex from kids is harmful. It sends the message that sharing physical pleasure with another person is wrong, and even shameful. The instinct to keep porn from children at all costs is worse than the supposed damaging effects of porn could ever be.
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I had extensive access to porn from age 10
Date: 2015-04-05 06:21 pm (UTC)Well, in a nutshell, nothing as bad as the porn-shaming of anti-porn feminists did.
I ended up in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful woman early in my university days. We have been married for 16 years.
For the first several years of our relationship, I felt I could not reveal my interest in porn because the rhetoric of the day focused on how awful and degrading porn is. Instead of allowing me to have a healthy relationship with my wife and with this part of my sexuality, I felt trapped in a closet.
Gradually, as sex-positive views of porn became more commonplace, my wife and I worked through a lot of issues. Now we both enjoy various kinds of porn, separately and together.
Kids are curious, and they are not stupid. They need adults to help them understand the difference between fantasy and reality, between healthy relationships and unhealthy ones.
They need help understanding consent.
They do not need people hiding sex from them. Hiding sex from kids is harmful. It sends the message that sharing physical pleasure with another person is wrong, and even shameful. The instinct to keep porn from children at all costs is worse than the supposed damaging effects of porn could ever be.
--J