Dear Deidre
Jun. 23rd, 2009 11:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emanixThe response is a little late, but I had left this link open with the intention of responding to it. Who knows whether it will do any good, but here's the email I just sent:
Dear Deidre,
A friend brought to my attention your post on bisexuality from earlier
this month (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/
While I agree with some of the points you make - for example, that
simply being attracted to someone is not necessarily a reason to break
the rules of your existing relationship, and I certainly do believe
that a little personal responsibility would make the world a much
better place. However I think your view is innately biased, and as a
bisexual woman, and a friend to many 'straight' men and women who have
also experimented with their sexuality over the years, I have to speak
up.
You cite the 'thousands of letters from readers over the years' as
your source for information - but you must realise that as an agony
aunt, you simply don't hear the success stories. You exist to hear the
tales of woe, the failed, or failing relationships. Why would anyone
write about a relationship that they are happy about to an agony
columnist?
Bisexual people most certainly exist, in larger numbers than you seem
to believe, and are able to have perfectly happy long term
relationships. Some of them monogamous, and some of them polyamorous.
Also in my experience couples who jointly experiment with their
sexuality, and explore who they are *together*, are much more likely
to remain a couple than those in which one partner is forbidden -
eventually this becomes a 'deal-breaker' and the couple dissolves
anyway.
Obviously, I don't believe any partner in a relationship should be
forced into a situation they're not comfortable in, and if one partner
isn't interested in threesomes, then that's not going to be the way to
go. The idea that this is always a 'one way journey' however, is
ridiculous.
I applaud your choice of links, however, (at least they've vaguely balanced, even if oddly lacking in y'know... bisexual sites)
and your advice about being honest with any children involved (although I would stress that
treating them as confidant, rather than just keeping them informed, is
also a bad idea!).
Wishing you well,
Maxine Green
Dear Deidre,
A friend brought to my attention your post on bisexuality from earlier
this month (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/
While I agree with some of the points you make - for example, that
simply being attracted to someone is not necessarily a reason to break
the rules of your existing relationship, and I certainly do believe
that a little personal responsibility would make the world a much
better place. However I think your view is innately biased, and as a
bisexual woman, and a friend to many 'straight' men and women who have
also experimented with their sexuality over the years, I have to speak
up.
You cite the 'thousands of letters from readers over the years' as
your source for information - but you must realise that as an agony
aunt, you simply don't hear the success stories. You exist to hear the
tales of woe, the failed, or failing relationships. Why would anyone
write about a relationship that they are happy about to an agony
columnist?
Bisexual people most certainly exist, in larger numbers than you seem
to believe, and are able to have perfectly happy long term
relationships. Some of them monogamous, and some of them polyamorous.
Also in my experience couples who jointly experiment with their
sexuality, and explore who they are *together*, are much more likely
to remain a couple than those in which one partner is forbidden -
eventually this becomes a 'deal-breaker' and the couple dissolves
anyway.
Obviously, I don't believe any partner in a relationship should be
forced into a situation they're not comfortable in, and if one partner
isn't interested in threesomes, then that's not going to be the way to
go. The idea that this is always a 'one way journey' however, is
ridiculous.
I applaud your choice of links, however, (at least they've vaguely balanced, even if oddly lacking in y'know... bisexual sites)
and your advice about being honest with any children involved (although I would stress that
treating them as confidant, rather than just keeping them informed, is
also a bad idea!).
Wishing you well,
Maxine Green
