Out of My Bubble

[emanix]

I've not been doing much out of the house lately, having been struggling with the thyroid disease thing - just so tired, all of the time. E and I went away for a couple of weeks just the two of us to recharge batteries, and it did help, but I'm still waiting to feel like myself properly again, and waiting to get my dosage of artificial hormone sorted out, since apparently they started me far too low.
At any rate, I've been doing better, and actually went out over the weekend. I'm not sure I'm going to do it again in a hurry!

Saturday was the bi coffee meet, actually full of nice people, but as I ended up spending more than half my time there explaining and re-explaining my worldview (mainly the bits about poly) it felt like a lot of effort, so I probably won't be going back until I'm bouncy again. I made an entrance though, turning up in full evening dress, which went down rather well!

Why the evening dress? Saturday evening was a trip even further out of my usual bubble, to Cavus's company ball. Boy did I feel old when I realised that we've known each other since 1996, and we *stopped* dating most of a decade ago. It was nice to see him, but I'm more glad than ever that I live in my world and not his. I had an almost panic attack halfway through the evening when I realised I was in amongst a couple of thousand people, none of whom I could be myself around, and I've become so used to not having to censor my speech or my actions that I find it desperately uncomfortable to put myself there again.

Sunday was lovely though, went to see the Wallace Collection with Haydon and Eunice, and Ed caught up with us part way through the day. The restaurant there is expensive, but the food is awesome. I'm hoping to go back at some point for a proper afternoon tea, but it seemed a bit much after having breakfast and lunch there! Oh, and breakfast was proper traditional English style soft boiled eggs (done perfectly!) with toast 'soldiers', and a pot of gorgeous breakfast tea - my favourite thing!

Back in the bubble, the House of Joy is still a place of lovely, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I shall rest in its warm and fuzzy embrace until I have the energy to bounce out again.

Comments

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

::wraps you in a warm and snuggly duvet of love and understanding::

You are being so strong in dealing with all of this as well as you have been. You may say that you have no choice, but we both know that you do. You could whine and bitch at the Universe and refuse to cope. And possibly you've done that on occasion (we all have). But that is not your general approach; you don't let such things stop you or even get in your way for long. And for that, you have my undying devotion. (also for your life outlook, your smile, your wardrobe...)


One thing you said jumped out at me:

I had an almost panic attack halfway through the evening when I realised I was in amongst a couple of thousand people, none of whom I could be myself around, and I've become so used to not having to censor my speech or my actions that I find it desperately uncomfortable to put myself there again.

And it made my eyes fill with tears. Because this is exactly what I've been dealing with for the past 3.5 (and counting) years since I left Boston. What you described *is* my life, every day, and will be for the foreseeable future*. Durham was totally that company ball. Which is why I was so profusely, sobbingly grateful to spend the time among you and yours that I did. werenerd knew this better than most and he also has my undying devotion. I honestly don't want to think of how my life in the UK would have been different were it not for him and all the things he did and people he brought into my path. You guys are so wonderfully paired and I know that lots of us are amazingly lucky to know you both.


*Never fear, I can (and will) make jaunts into sanity-land whenever possible. And I am blessed with many folks (you among them) who would give safe haven. But when I said that you were one of my Heroes for living what I would call the Best Life Ever, well, that's why.

[emanix.livejournal.com]

*Is speechless* - I truly have no appropriate response to that, but thankyou for the lovely bits, and sniffles for the sad bits, and I send you oodles of hugs and House of Joy love. xxx

[xanna.livejournal.com]

Someone at J's company spotted my collar at a do last year, and so now whenever I go to stuff there I know I'm not the only one, it's nice.

Evening dress on Saturday?

[emanix.livejournal.com]

Evening dress on Saturday! Yeah!!! Maybe I should do it *every* Saturday! :)

[xanna.livejournal.com]

Totally! Though I can't quite see werenerd in a tux.

[judiff]

you looked very cool with the fancy polka dots at the Bi Coffee

[emanix.livejournal.com]

Aw, thankyou! :)
Random thought, do you ever dress your bunny up?

[judiff]

Annath doesn't seem to like clothes. Boudicca how used to be my main taking around bunny but who is retired now used to wear a jumper the winter and she likes fancy ear-wraps

[prolificdiarist.livejournal.com]

Yay for the warm fuzziness. :)

[emanix.livejournal.com]

Yay! :D

[emanix.livejournal.com]

When in such a situation where one doesn't know anybody and someone else's job is at risk if you put a foot wrong, one has to assume that everyone is a vanilla bigot unless proven otherwise. Sucks, but wasn't my call to make.

[hollykitten.livejournal.com]

"Oh, and breakfast was proper traditional English style soft boiled eggs (done perfectly!) with toast 'soldiers', and a pot of gorgeous breakfast tea - my favourite thing!"

Have you been sneakily reading my Facebook or okC? I've had something of a soft-boiled eggs and soldiers obsession going on there recently ...

Glad to hear you're up and about, even if it isn't 100% yet *hugs*

[emanix.livejournal.com]

Hehe, I hadn't but cool that you're into them too! Ta for hugs, hun
x