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emanixI still haven't posted my writings about what polyamory means to me - they're drafted in my gmail and will get posted soon, I promise.
One thing poly doesn't mean, sadly, is a guarantee of company whenever you want it.
Tonight, for example, despite my little collection of relationships, I'm feeling very alone and rather lonely. One of the boys is packing, one is in Sweden with the family, I'm not sure exactly what my half a girlfriend is up to, but I suspect she's still unpacking at her new place, and the last of the boys is having a no doubt very enjoyable weekend with another date. I don't mind any of my loves seeing other people, but I'm a little cross about that one, as theirs is on the very casual end of the relationship spectrum, and he knew this was the last weekend I had before moving house. I'd have rather appreciated help with the packing, rather than being left on my own entirely feeling a bit abandoned. I may not have been around much lately, being all NRE-ful with werenerd, particularly, but I'd like to think I'm there when I'm needed. I guess I feel a bit resentful over that. I'll talk it over with him afterwards, I guess.
Unfortunately the date was presented to me as a fait accompli a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't quite realise the consequences until thursday or so, when it was a bit late to say 'actually I really need you this weekend' - or at least it felt like it was. It's certainly too late to request a cancellation mid-date, so this is one blow I'm just going to have to roll with.
It is hard though, since packing to move is a big emotional red button for me with lots of horrible associations and memories attached to pretty much every move since 2003. I'm trying very hard to focus on the fact that unpacking at the other end always feels like Christmas.
This one, thankfully, is quite happy, as house-moves go. The landlords are pushing us out, yes, but it means moving into the mini poly commune that I'd been talking about with werenerd and misterfallen just a bit earlier than I'd intended. It doesn't seem to make the packing any easier though.
Argh.
One thing poly doesn't mean, sadly, is a guarantee of company whenever you want it.
Tonight, for example, despite my little collection of relationships, I'm feeling very alone and rather lonely. One of the boys is packing, one is in Sweden with the family, I'm not sure exactly what my half a girlfriend is up to, but I suspect she's still unpacking at her new place, and the last of the boys is having a no doubt very enjoyable weekend with another date. I don't mind any of my loves seeing other people, but I'm a little cross about that one, as theirs is on the very casual end of the relationship spectrum, and he knew this was the last weekend I had before moving house. I'd have rather appreciated help with the packing, rather than being left on my own entirely feeling a bit abandoned. I may not have been around much lately, being all NRE-ful with werenerd, particularly, but I'd like to think I'm there when I'm needed. I guess I feel a bit resentful over that. I'll talk it over with him afterwards, I guess.
Unfortunately the date was presented to me as a fait accompli a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't quite realise the consequences until thursday or so, when it was a bit late to say 'actually I really need you this weekend' - or at least it felt like it was. It's certainly too late to request a cancellation mid-date, so this is one blow I'm just going to have to roll with.
It is hard though, since packing to move is a big emotional red button for me with lots of horrible associations and memories attached to pretty much every move since 2003. I'm trying very hard to focus on the fact that unpacking at the other end always feels like Christmas.
This one, thankfully, is quite happy, as house-moves go. The landlords are pushing us out, yes, but it means moving into the mini poly commune that I'd been talking about with werenerd and misterfallen just a bit earlier than I'd intended. It doesn't seem to make the packing any easier though.
Argh.
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Date: 2009-07-25 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 09:41 pm (UTC)Grump.
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Date: 2009-07-25 11:41 pm (UTC)