A Year and a Day
Sep. 4th, 2009 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emanixThis morning's pillow talk was about female archetypes in fairy tales and animated movies (particularly Disney - *spit*), and how much I loathe the passive 'princess' character type that girls are given to aspire to.
Not actually what I'm wanting to talk about, but it felt like an appropriate way to start the day.
A year and a day is a rather fairytale time period - it sounds so romantic, doesn't it?
Today marks a year and a day since I last saw the psychopath (and those of you who know me well will know I don't use the term lightly). Perhaps not a day to celebrate, but a day to be marked.
I was in London for a year and a day before I left for Canada with the biggest mistake of my life. There are some aspects of it I absolutely don't regret.
I am glad that I ignored the advice of well-meaning but patronising people who told me that I shouldn't try snowboarding with my knee problem. I am still happy that I finally found a sport I can really get to grips with, and a way for me to actually move fast.
I don't regret the time I spent coming up with the concept and original sketches for my graphic novel project, or in many ways the awful emotional situation I was in, isolated from any support network, that allowed me to escape into it for weeks at a time, and produce work more prolifically than any other period of my life.
I don't even regret how I acted in relationship to him - I was over-generous, somewhat naive, and turned the other cheek far too many times, but I would rather be that forever than make myself something I hate. The cracks didn't begin to show until well after I was locked into a caretaking position, and I refuse to be the sort of person to leave someone homeless, jobless and clearly mentally ill, however much of a bastard they are.
I somewhat regret not taking him to court over the several thousand pounds he owed me, and I most certainly regret not pressing charges over the violence, especially once the police were actually called in, which might perhaps have held him back from doing the same to someone else (sadly, I became aware only after the event of his history of violent and threatening behaviour - when I believed I was the first, I could imagine I might also be the last. If only.).
On the other hand I have spent my time getting over and away from that, and putting myself in a better position, rather than engaging with the British legal system in what I still feel would have been a painful and ultimately pointless quest.
I am glad to have spent my time strengthening my links within the various communities around London so that I have a better support network, and I will be in a better position should our paths ever cross again.
It depresses me somewhat that I still feel I will spend the rest of my life moving away from him, but on the other hand I rejoice in how far I have come. Just as I wear my physical scars proudly, as trophies of my experiences, I accept the changes wrought in my personality too, by bad events just as much as good, and I realise that if it wasn't for the psychopath I wouldn't have had the motivation to move into activism, and to make the world a better place in what way I can for other people. That doesn't make his existence any less of a blight on humanity, however.
Tonight I go out with friends, and observe the crowd of wonderful people that surround me, and thank whatever powers might be for the life I have now, the fact that I still have it, and how amazingly good it is, one year and a day on, and carry on creating my own 'happily ever after'.
Not actually what I'm wanting to talk about, but it felt like an appropriate way to start the day.
A year and a day is a rather fairytale time period - it sounds so romantic, doesn't it?
Today marks a year and a day since I last saw the psychopath (and those of you who know me well will know I don't use the term lightly). Perhaps not a day to celebrate, but a day to be marked.
I was in London for a year and a day before I left for Canada with the biggest mistake of my life. There are some aspects of it I absolutely don't regret.
I am glad that I ignored the advice of well-meaning but patronising people who told me that I shouldn't try snowboarding with my knee problem. I am still happy that I finally found a sport I can really get to grips with, and a way for me to actually move fast.
I don't regret the time I spent coming up with the concept and original sketches for my graphic novel project, or in many ways the awful emotional situation I was in, isolated from any support network, that allowed me to escape into it for weeks at a time, and produce work more prolifically than any other period of my life.
I don't even regret how I acted in relationship to him - I was over-generous, somewhat naive, and turned the other cheek far too many times, but I would rather be that forever than make myself something I hate. The cracks didn't begin to show until well after I was locked into a caretaking position, and I refuse to be the sort of person to leave someone homeless, jobless and clearly mentally ill, however much of a bastard they are.
I somewhat regret not taking him to court over the several thousand pounds he owed me, and I most certainly regret not pressing charges over the violence, especially once the police were actually called in, which might perhaps have held him back from doing the same to someone else (sadly, I became aware only after the event of his history of violent and threatening behaviour - when I believed I was the first, I could imagine I might also be the last. If only.).
On the other hand I have spent my time getting over and away from that, and putting myself in a better position, rather than engaging with the British legal system in what I still feel would have been a painful and ultimately pointless quest.
I am glad to have spent my time strengthening my links within the various communities around London so that I have a better support network, and I will be in a better position should our paths ever cross again.
It depresses me somewhat that I still feel I will spend the rest of my life moving away from him, but on the other hand I rejoice in how far I have come. Just as I wear my physical scars proudly, as trophies of my experiences, I accept the changes wrought in my personality too, by bad events just as much as good, and I realise that if it wasn't for the psychopath I wouldn't have had the motivation to move into activism, and to make the world a better place in what way I can for other people. That doesn't make his existence any less of a blight on humanity, however.
Tonight I go out with friends, and observe the crowd of wonderful people that surround me, and thank whatever powers might be for the life I have now, the fact that I still have it, and how amazingly good it is, one year and a day on, and carry on creating my own 'happily ever after'.
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 12:02 pm (UTC)As a kids film I love Drop Dead Fred much more than anything Disney has ever done. And to quote it..
Elizabeth: Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?
Fred: No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great!
:D
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 01:49 pm (UTC)I like the Roald Dahl version a little better, but I think someday I may have to write my own take on it.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 12:13 pm (UTC)Better than Disney princesses:
The Stepmother (reinterpreted fairy tale) published in *ken again in Summer 2005 edition by K. Harrad.
A Gentleman’s Excuse Me by Fish.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 01:50 pm (UTC)Thanks for that. :)
x
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 12:31 pm (UTC)As for your experiences with abuse and isolation, I hear you. Getting out from under an Abuser is notoriously difficult and for good reason. I applaud you for successfully Taking Charge and for building a Life that makes you happy. This icon is for you.
::salutes you and marks the Day with you in support and admiration::
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 01:57 pm (UTC)Thankyou so much for the rest of that, I made the entry public, as a part of my response to all of those events is a refusal to hide away in shame, but I wasn't really expecting a response to it.
I have to agree with the icon - I don't know if you've read my journal entry entitled Butterfly (http://emanix.livejournal.com/4429.html) - it's very much about self creation.
Hugs of thanks
x
As requested...
Date: 2009-09-21 11:31 am (UTC)And when would be a good time on Friday afternoon to appear? I'll be coming into the coach station somewhere around 3:30; I can totally amuse myself for a while until people want to meet. I can appear on your doorstep or meet up in town...
::getting excited::
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 01:19 pm (UTC)In other news, never mind the Disney Princesses (watered down versions of the originals for a start), give me Tank Girl :-P
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 01:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 12:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 06:49 pm (UTC)Hope you have a great evening
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 10:39 pm (UTC)And thankyou, evening was most random, but rather fun. Cinema then icecream cocktails - bit sick on too much sugar now though, so to bed with me!
xxx
no subject
Date: 2009-09-04 10:56 pm (UTC)Sweet dreams and see you when we're back
no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 05:37 pm (UTC)